50 Things I am Not Allowed to Do at Hogwarts
by TimIsaFunSucker
Summary: Meghan and Kay-Kay decide to share their antics with the whole student body...Despite Professor McGonagall's requests.  One-Shot.  Rated T.


Meghan looked over her best friend's shoulder. "Hey, you almost finished with those lines?" she asked.

"Ya." Came Kay-Kay's reply. "Why, you finished?"

Meghan laughed. "No, I'm gonna use a duplicate charm on yours and turn it in!"

"Gee, thanks." growled Kay-Kay. Her quill scribbled for a few more minutes before she looked up happily. "Okay, I'm done. Everything ready for the show tonight?"

Meghan nodded. "Yep! Our dear fellow students will get quite the dinner theatre tonight! Now gimme those so I can copy them!" She snatched the parchment from Kay-Kay's hands and used a duplicate charm on it. She handed the lines back to Kay-Kay. "Okay, time for dinner. Let's get going!"

*Later, at the Gryffindor House Table*

Meghan and Kay-Kay stood up on the benches. Meghan then stretched her arms wide and screamed, "EVERYBODY SHUT IT!" when everyone settled down Kay-Kay started to speak.

"Thanks to our dear Professor McGonagall, my accomplice and I had to write lines on the things we're _not_ to do at Hogwarts. We figured you'd all like to hear these 50 different lines."

"So sit down and get comfy, this'll take a while!" said Meghan, and both girls cleared their throats as Kay-Kay began to read.

"1. I will not poke Hufflepuffs with spoons, nor will I insist that their House colors indicate that they are "covered in bees".

2. The Giant Squid is not an appropriate date to the Yule Ball.

3. I will stop referring to showering as "giving Moaning Myrtle an eyeful".

4. If a classmate falls asleep, I will not take advantage of that fact and draw a Dark Mark on their arm.

5. Starting a betting pool on the fate of this year's Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher is tasteless and tacky, not a clever money-making concept.

6. I will not tell Ron and Hermione to "Get a room" whenever they start to fight.

7. The Forbidden Forest is forbidden for a reason.

8. Remus Lupin does not want a flea collar.

9. I will not change the password to the prefects' bath to "Makes getting clean almost as much fun as getting dirty".

10. Asking "How do you keep a Gryffindor in suspense?" and walking away is only funny the first time.

11. I will not offer to pose nude for Colin Creevey.

12. I will not greet Professor McGonagall with "What's new, pussycat?"

13. I will not take out a life insurance policy on Harry Potter.

14. I am not allowed to ask Hermione and Ginny if they know what a 'ménage a trios' is.

15. I will not send shampoo to Snape's office, no matter how badly he needs it.

16. Naughty jokes regarding "Moaning" Myrtle are only funny the first time.

17. Singing "Slytherins are Sexier" in Potion's class will not get me extra points.

18. Even though they are easier to use and probably more effective, I will not use guns against the Deatheaters.

19. Screaming "VOLDEMORT!" in crowded hallways is not in good taste.

20. Stealing Draco's underwear and selling it on Ebay to horny fangirls is not ethical, nor profitable (note to self: Steal Potter's underwear instead).

21. I will not refer to Ron Weasley as "that red-headed twit" in polite company (impolite company is just fine).

22. The "I Hate Snape" Club is not a valid after-class activity.

23. Making Harry Potter action figures without his permission is wrong. Making Draco Malfoy pay double for them is also wrong.

24. I will not tell Grawp that "Hermy" will give him a kiss if he eats certain members of the faculty.

25. "Potter 6, Voldemort 0" is not a valid T-shirt slogan." Kay-Kay stopped reading and Meghan took over.

"26. Writing sexy love letters to Professor Dumbledore, signed by "Your Kitten", is not an ethical means to skip Transfiguration class (though it is effective).

27. I will not address the Professor with a loud "Hail Umbridge!" and accompanying salute.

28. Having Colin and Dennis Creevey follow Harry Potter all day is cruel and unusual punishment.

29. I will not sell pennies as priceless, Muggle collector coins.

30. I will not spread rumors about Draco's deviant sexuality.

31. Asking Professor Snape to show you how to make a love potion is not recommended.

32. I will not charm Firenze pink and call him "my little pony."

33. Madam Pomfrey does not dispense condoms.

34. Do not ask Professor Sinistra to show you "Uranus".

35. A good way to piss Hermione off: Write "Hermione Granger was here" on multiple library books, thereby banning her from the library.

36. Dobby, even though he apparently went to grammar school with him, is NOT Yoda in disguise.

37. Telling the first years about the time your friend got eaten by the giant squid is NOT appropriate. Ever.

38. No matter how good a fake Australian accent I can do, I will not imitate Steve Irwin during Care of Magical Creatures class.

39. Growing marijuana or hallucinogenic mushrooms is not "an extra credit project for Herbology".

40. It is a bad idea to tell Professor Snape he takes himself too seriously.

41. Sir Cadogan is not one of the knights who say "NI".

42. I will not offer to prepare tandoori owl.

43. I will stop charming Professor Snape's robes to bright purple (or any bright color for that matter).

44. Mail order dinosaurs are NOT good birthday presents for Hagrid. No matter how much of a discount you get on them.

45. "Quidditch Players Do It in the Air" broom stickers are not allowed.

46. Shaving Mrs. Norris is not a public service.

47. Polishing my wand in the common room is acceptable. "Polishing my wand" in the common room is not.

48. Seamus Finnegan is not "after me Lucky Charms".

49. Asking Professor Flitwick if there is a charm to remove clothes, or give you x-rays vision is not permitted.

50. Asking Professor Flitwick where Snow White is is not permitted." Meghan finished reading, and both she and Kay-Kay took a bow while the whole student body applauded them.

"GIBSON! BLANK! WHAT IS THE MEANING OF THIS?" Came the obviously angry voice of Professor McGonagall, who was swooping down on the girls like a hawk.

"We were just giving the students a show, Professor." answered Meghan innocently.

"You never told us we couldn't do this!" Kay-Kay continued.

"Yes!" Professor McGonagall answered. "I didn't say so because I thought it was implied! Now come along, girls, I've tracked down a few more of your antics to the school rules book, and it's time to make that number of lines 300!"

As they were leaving the great hall, Meghan leaned over and whispered into Kay-Kay's ear, "You really think that saying Seamus Finnegan is 'after me lucky charms' is in the rule book?"

**Okay, so this idea came to me when reading those famous "Things I am not allowed to do at Hogwarts." When reading them I couldn't help but think me and Meghan would probably do these things. Please Review!**

** -The writing Nazi.**


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